Innuendo
by ShinigamiForever
Summary: In which people talk alot but say very little. Slash and humor. A Smoke Break Production.
1. As Morning Breaks

Innuendo (1/?)  
  
By: ShinigamiForever & Perfect-Dark01  
  
A Smoke Break Production  
  
Warning: Oddity. Extreme Oddity. Slash. Think: lunatics + caffeine + too many slash fanfics.  
  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling would have to have been on crack to write this.  
  
A/N: So. I thought about this idea, then Perfect-Dark came over, and we wrote it. And so. Well. See for yourself.  
  
===  
  
  
  
[Slytherin boy showers, 7:31 AM]  
  
"You're looking at me."  
  
"I am not."  
  
"Yes you are! I just saw you!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"I am NOT gay!"  
  
"I never said you were!"  
  
"But you were implying!"  
  
"I wasn't implying anything. I simply said, you were looking at me."  
  
"I wasn't."  
  
"You were."  
  
"Draco Malfoy, for the LAST time, I was NOT looking at you!"  
  
"Oh come on, you know you think I'm sexy." Sing songy voice.  
  
Incoherent sputtering. "I- what- you- NO!"  
  
Singing, "You think I'm sexy, you want to kiss me, you want to hug me, you want to love me."  
  
"Stop it! You are so- so-"  
  
"Sexy?"  
  
"NO! Stop putting words in my mouth!"  
  
"If you prefer, I'll put something else…"  
  
"That. Is. So. Sick."  
  
"I haven't said anything. Now look who's putting words in my mouth."  
  
Five minute pause.  
  
"You're looking at me again, Zambini."  
  
"Am not. And don't get me started."  
  
"Touchy."  
  
"Shut up. Or else I'll make you."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Not going there."  
  
  
  
[Gryffindor boy dorm room, 7:24 AM]  
  
"Wakey, wakey, Ronnekins!"  
  
Incoherent noises.  
  
"Oh no you don't. Time to get up, Ronnie."  
  
Grunt. Snort.  
  
"Don't make me use the Wake Up Method."  
  
Snort.  
  
"All right. You asked for it."  
  
Sound of muffled protest. "Mmph!"  
  
"Good morning, Ron."  
  
"Seamus! Get the HELL off of me!"  
  
"My. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."  
  
"I woke up with you KISSING me!"  
  
"Dean doesn't have a problem with it."  
  
"That's Dean! I'm- I'm not a POOF!"  
  
"By the way, Ron, you're 5 second behind yesterday. You're loosing your touch."  
  
"Seamus, you are SO dead."  
  
"Gotta catch me first before you can do me."  
  
"Ugh! Gross! Seamus!"  
  
Laughing. "You're such a homophobe, Ron."  
  
"Well, you would be too, if you woke up to a man kissing you every morning."  
  
"I'd kinda like to have that."  
  
"AUGH! You are impossible!"  
  
"Really? Dean thinks I'm quite easy."  
  
"DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!"  
  
Sleepy, "Ron, shut up. Seamus, shut up. Dean, come get your boyfriend."  
  
  
  
[Hufflepuff girls dorm room, 7:47 AM]  
  
"Have you heard..?"  
  
"Heard what, Hannah?"  
  
"Oh MY GOD, Susan, you didn't know?!"  
  
"Spill, Megan."  
  
"Okay, like, the two most eligible bachelors in all of Hogwarts…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are a COUPLE!"  
  
Shrieking.  
  
"NO. You don't mean…"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Are you insane? There's no way!"  
  
"Yep. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy."  
  
More shrieking.  
  
"NO! You don't say! I thought they hated each other!"  
  
"I heard it was blackmail."  
  
"No, no, I heard it was unresolved sexual tension."  
  
"I think it was alcohol!"  
  
"From who?"  
  
"Well you know Draco. Always sneaking things in here."  
  
"Could be. Hey, Hannah, you think Hermione would know?"  
  
"Hm… She's Hermione. Of COURSE she would know."  
  
"But will she tell us…?"  
  
"Probably not. I mean, she's not like one to scrape up dirt on her best friend."  
  
"Hmm… Maybe Weasley… What's his name again?"  
  
"Donald?"  
  
"I thought it started with an R…?"  
  
"Well, whatever. Ask him! You know how he gets. When he's around girls and all."  
  
Mass giggling.  
  
"But he hates Draco more than Harry does! Or did, supposed to anyway."  
  
"Maybe…"  
  
"You DON'T MEAN!"  
  
"Well… If Harry and Draco…"  
  
"Then certainly Ron and Draco…"  
  
Shrieking.  
  
  
  
[Gryffindor breakfast table, 8:16 AM]  
  
"Stop flirting with Malfoy!"  
  
"I can't! He's halfway across the room, Ron!"  
  
"You mean you were thinking about it?"  
  
"Stop making it sound bad!"  
  
"Of course I have to make sound bad! It is bad!"  
  
"Would you leave my boyfriend out of this?"  
  
"It's not the boyfriend issue. I don't care if you're gay. My brothers are gay. All of my brothers are gay. With each other, no less! It's WHO you're gay with !"  
  
"It could have been worse…"  
  
"How could it get worse?"  
  
"Snape?"  
  
"Ew! Augh! No! Bad images, bad images!"  
  
"You asked." Snicker.  
  
"Oh, would you two pipe down? I'm trying to read!"  
  
"In the morning, Mione? You must be kidding…"  
  
"He's looking at you." Seething glare.  
  
"Oh? And you were watching him?"  
  
"HARRY!"  
  
Insane laughter.  
  
  
  
[Staff breakfast table, 8:23 AM]  
  
"Minerva, have you heard?"  
  
"What, Albus?"  
  
"Supposedly Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter have been getting rather cozy with each other."  
  
"Albus, honestly! Picking up idle gossip from the children!"  
  
"Well, for one, I think it is fascinating."  
  
"I do as well."  
  
"Oh don't encourage him, Remus!"  
  
"How did the students know, anyway?"  
  
"Well, you know teenagers. Sneaking off to the Astronomy tower, snogging in the closets, kissing games… the rest."  
  
"Albus! Really!"  
  
"Am I wrong, dear Minerva?"  
  
Flustered, "Well, of course it does happen, but no need to point it out!"  
  
Laughing, "Don't forget you were one too, Minerva."  
  
"Remus!"  
  
"I am not hearing this. I am not hearing this. I am going to my happy place."  
  
"Albus, I do believe there is something wrong with Severus."  
  
"He'll be all right." Laughs. "Just let him go to his happy place."  
  
"I am in my happy place, no one can touch me. I cannot hear a thing. I cannot see a thing. I am in my happy place. La la la."  
  
  
  
[Slytherin breakfast table, 8:19 AM]  
  
"DRACO!"  
  
Staring. Dazed, "Hm?"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!"  
  
Underneath breath, "Certainly not you."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing, Pansy dearest, nothing."  
  
"Look. You have an owl."  
  
"What?"  
  
"AN OWL, Draco, an OWL."  
  
"I am aware of what an owl is, Pansy. I'm not deaf."  
  
Mutters, "You give a good impression."  
  
"Come here, Newkirk, my pet."  
  
"Who's it from?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
"Ooh, is it a LO~OVE letter?"  
  
"In the morning, Pansy?"  
  
"Well."  
  
Decisive, "No. Now shut up and go away." Undertone, "Ugly prat."  
  
"What did you say, Draco darling?"  
  
Shiver. "Nothing."  
  
  
  
A/N: Yes, there will be more. Eventually. 


	2. Potions and Divination

Innuendo (2/?)  
  
By: ShinigamiForever & Perfect-Dark01  
  
A Smoke Break Production  
  
Warnings: Oddity, Slash, strange strange humor.  
  
Disclaimer: I am not Rowling. Rowling is busy writing her 5th book which is due in 2003, that procrastinator, and consequentially, she would not have the time to churn out oddity like this.  
  
A/N: A note on the smoke break thing. Um, well, it originally said joint production, than Dark pointed at it and said, joint, and started cracking up. So we changed it to a crack production, but then I stumbled across a picture of Malfoy entitled smoke break, so now it is a smoke break production.  
  
===  
  
  
  
[Potion classroom, 8:01 AM]  
  
"Good mo~orning, Zabini!"  
  
"Shut up, Draco."  
  
"My my, someone is in a bad mood today. Ever since the shower, anyway."  
  
"Shut. Up. Draco."  
  
"Aw, did I hurt little Blaisey-waisey's feelings?"  
  
"I'm warning you…"  
  
"Relax, Zabini. Class is almost starting. I'm not going to do anything that will get me in trouble."  
  
"Then shut your gob!"  
  
"Such venom. Not good talking to a Malfoy like that."  
  
"Look, why don't you bother your boyfriend or something like that?"  
  
"Because you blush ever so nicely."  
  
"DRACO!"  
  
  
  
[Potion classroom, 8:03 AM]  
  
"Harry, I can swear you're making eyes with him!"  
  
"Ron! Shut up! I am NOT!"  
  
"Why, Ron, you almost sound jealous."  
  
"Jealous? I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? I'm not jealous."  
  
Skeptically, "Uh huh."  
  
"Who are you trying to convince, Ron?"  
  
"Us, or yourself?"  
  
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"  
  
"Jealous of who?"  
  
"Oh! Good morning, Draco."  
  
"Harry, what's wrong with him?"  
  
"Nothing at all. He's just having a jealousy fit."  
  
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"  
  
"You're starting to sound repetitive, Ron."  
  
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!"  
  
"Weasley! Sit down!"  
  
  
  
[Potion classroom, 8:48 AM]  
  
"If you add wolfsbane to- POTTER! STOP MAKING EYES AT MALFOY!"  
  
"Sorry, Professor. Won't happen again."  
  
  
  
[Potion classroom, 8:53 AM]  
  
"The most important thing to remember about this potion is- MALFOY! STOP RETURNING THOSE EYES WITH POTTER!"  
  
"Sorry, Professor. Didn't mean to disturb your teaching."  
  
Staring, "…"  
  
  
  
[Potion classroom, 9:02 AM]  
  
"Now, after heating the potion to exactly- POTTER! MALFOY! STOP FLIRTING IN MY CLASSROOM!"  
  
In unison, "Sorry, Professor."  
  
"I wasn't aware you were a homophobe, sir."  
  
"I KNEW IT! I knew you two were flirting!"  
  
"I am going to my happy place. I am going to my happy place…"  
  
"Speaking of happy places, Harry dearest…"  
  
"Way ahead of you, Draco baby."  
  
Sound of shuffling chairs. Footsteps. Closet door slamming.  
  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
"I think I liked it better when they were enemies."  
  
"Seamus, I think we all liked it better when they were enemies. At least this didn't happen."  
  
"I am at my happy place. I am at my happy place."  
  
"Professor, does that really work?"  
  
"It has so far, Weasley."  
  
"Hm. Let me try. I am going to my happy place. I am going to my happy place."  
  
Irritated, "That's it. Silencio."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Ah, peace."  
  
Sound of rustling noises in closet.  
  
  
  
[Potion classroom, 9:53 AM]  
  
Sound of closet door opening.  
  
Mouthing, "I am in my happy place. I cannot hear. I cannot see. I am blissfully unaware."  
  
Nervous laughter.  
  
"Oh, so now you two decide to come out. Took you long enough."  
  
Whispering, "Psst. Harry. Your shirts on backwards."  
  
"Oops!" Sound of ruffling shirt. Whispering, "Thanks, Draco."  
  
"Finite incantem."  
  
"I am in my happy place. Nothing can disturb me. Nothing can touch me."  
  
"Professor…?"  
  
"Someone is trying to reach me. I cannot be reached. I am in my happy place."  
  
Sound of parchment being taken out. Scribbling of pen. "There!"  
  
"Hermione, what did you just do?"  
  
"I stuck a note on his forehead."  
  
"Yes, Hermione, we see that."  
  
"Well, if you really want to know, go up and read it!"  
  
Reading, "'Professor Snape. Seeing we cannot remove you or Ron from your respective "happy places," I would like to inform you that class is now over and that we are all leaving. Thank you, and enjoy your stay at your "happy place."'"  
  
"I guess we can leave now."  
  
"YES! Out of this insane asylum."  
  
"I am still in my happy place. Blissfully unaware."  
  
  
  
[Divination classroom, 10:22 AM]  
  
Low voice, "I fear the thing you dread will indeed come to pass."  
  
Shocked, "Draco's pregnant?! Dude, because if that's true, his father would kill me."  
  
Odd looks from rest of the class. Sputtering.  
  
Coughing, "Ahem. No dear. The other thing you fear will come to pass."  
  
Thinking. Surprised, "Ron wants to have sex with Draco?"  
  
Indignant, "NO I DO NOT!"  
  
"Well that's a relief. For a second there…"  
  
"I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!"  
  
"Ahem. No, not that either."  
  
"Well, then, what?"  
  
Misty voice, "The Dark Lord is rising."  
  
"Oh." Confused, "I'm fearing that?"  
  
"Oh never mind."  
  
  
  
[Divination classroom, 10:27 AM]  
  
"Crystal balls. I hate crystal balls! I can never see anything!"  
  
Imitating Trelawney, "Ah, my dear, when a midget with glasses cannot see anything in a crystal ball, it is a sure sign he will die."  
  
"Ron, who are you calling a midget? And I am NOT going to die."  
  
Imitating Trelwaney, "Ah, my dear, when a midget with glasses says he will not die, he is sure to die."  
  
"Ron, stuff it."  
  
"My dears, what are you doing?"  
  
In unison, "Nothing, Professor."  
  
Underneath breath, "Gazing de~ep into your crystal balls."  
  
Rolls eyes. Suppressed laughter. "I don't know why we keep taking this class."  
  
"Because the midget in glasses needs to know what his dark, da~ark future is."  
  
"Let me change that. I don't know why I keep taking this class WITH YOU."  
  
"Because the midget in glasses-"  
  
"Shut up, Ron. I'm getting contacts anyway."  
  
"Okay. So the midget WITHOUT glasses and with CONTACTS-"  
  
"Oh, shut up. Or else I'll put a silencing charm on you."  
  
"I'm going to my happy place."  
  
"Not you too."  
  
  
  
[Divination classroom, 10:39 AM]  
  
Gasping, "My dear! It is the Grim!"  
  
"Not again."  
  
Sad look, "That surely means you will die."  
  
"Yes, for the 27th time this year."  
  
"My dear, you should not question the powers of the unknown…"  
  
Underneath breath, "Woo~ooo…"  
  
"Ron. Stuff it."  
  
  
  
[Divination classroom, 10:47 AM]  
  
"My dear, I have just witnessed in my crystal ball-"  
  
Bored, unimpressed voice, "My horrible, horrible death. I know. All feel sorry for me. Boo hoo hoo."  
  
Sound of parchment being taken out. Sound of quill pen.  
  
"Ron, what's that?"  
  
"I'm keeping track of the all the times she predicted your "horrible, horrible death" this year."  
  
"What's that make it?"  
  
"So far? 37. 38 with that prediction."  
  
"So I was wrong. I said 27."  
  
"Yep. Off by 10."  
  
"In two months? Wow. That's a record."  
  
"Yeah. Last time it was 29."  
  
Background, "My dears! His death! His death!"  
  
In unison, "39."  
  
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she wants me dead."  
  
"Because we all hate the midget in glasses, Harry."  
  
"RON!"  
  
  
  
[Divination classroom, 11:33 AM]  
  
"My dear! Your death!"  
  
"PROFESSOR! Not to be rude, and not to doubt your mystical abilities or anything, but I AM NOT GOING TO DIE! Not NOW, not TODAY, not TOMORROW, not the day AFTER tomorrow. I am perfectly FINE!"  
  
"40."  
  
  
  
{Divination classroom, 11:38 AM]  
  
"My dear, a dark future awaits. And death lurks in the corner."  
  
"41."  
  
"AURGH! I GIVE UP."  
  
"What a poor life, my dear. Doomed to die."  
  
"RON! You are not helping!"  
  
"Cheer up, Harry! She's just a blind old bat anyway."  
  
[Divination classroom, 12:02 PM]  
  
"Finally!"  
  
"What, did the tea fumes make the midget in glasses dizzy?"  
  
Sound of hand smacking head. "OW! What was that for?"  
  
"You have upset the midget in glasses."  
  
"I have learned my lesson. Do not doubt the power of the midget in glasses."  
  
Slap.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: If there are any Trelawney fans out there, I'm sorry. The midget in glasses joke comes from GoF, page 201. 


	3. "Oh, but you know you love me Harry Pott...

Innuendo 3/? By: ShinigamiForever & Perfect-Dark01 A Smoke Break Production  
  
A/N: Hah! Yes. You'll never get rid of us now, will you. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. Slash. Oddity. Humor. You have been warned. Now read, minions.  
  
[Gryffindor lunch table, 11:56 AM]  
  
"There you are! Where have you been?"  
  
"Well, if you hadn't noticed, Divinations is so much farther from the Great Hall than Muggle Studies."  
  
"It's not MY fault you're still taking that ridiculous class."  
  
Smirk. "Well, it's not our fault you're not good at it."  
  
"Honestly, Ron. You know none of it's true."  
  
"But that makes homework so much easier."  
  
"Harry, you at least should know the value of-"  
  
"Oh, both of you. Shut up and eat."  
  
Silence.  
  
"I swear my meat is alive."  
  
"My vegetables are walking."  
  
"BOYS."  
  
Silence.  
  
"But they are."  
  
Sarcastic, "Oh, and what are they doing now? Flirting with Malfoy?"  
  
"Your vegetables are trying to steal my boyfriend?"  
  
"Can't you see how irresistible they are?"  
  
"Eugh. Asparagus?"  
  
"Does Malfoy like asparagus?"  
  
Laughing, "I dunno. Why don't you ask him, Ron?"  
  
Pointedly, "I'd rather not, thank you very much."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Did my meat really bark, or was that just me?"  
  
"I think you're barking mad, that's what."  
  
"But it did. I swear I heard it too."  
  
"Ron, shut up before I throw you and your walking vegetables, along with Harry and his barking meat, out the Great Hall."  
  
Morosely, "Just wait until your drink starts growing eyes. Then you'll know how we feel."  
  
Exasperated sigh. "Honestly."  
  
"You say that far too much." Smack over head. "Oy! Harry! I did not deserve that."  
  
"Ahem. Midget in glasses. Remember your lesson."  
  
"Duly noted, sir."  
  
[Slytherin lunch table, 12:08 PM]  
  
"What in god's name is happening over at the Gryffindorks table?"  
  
"No, no, Zabini. It's Griffindoors. Doors of the griffins."  
  
"Your humor is starting to trouble me."  
  
"Only just now?"  
  
"Shut up Pansy. And really, Blaise, you've been ever so upset since the showers. One would think you got out of the wrong side of the bed." Smirk.  
  
"Shut up before I turn Pansy loose."  
  
Sarcastic, "Oooh. Scary. See the fear."  
  
Sound of food hitting plate. "Eat. Or else shut your gob."  
  
"Eat? This food? Are you trying to poison me?"  
  
"Are you giving me ideas? It's awfully tempting, you know."  
  
"For that devious thought, I'll give you a kiss." Sly laugh.  
  
"DON'T. YOU. DARE! Stay the fuck away from me!"  
  
"Language, Zabini. Language."  
  
"Wah fucking wah. Screw the teachers and Dumbledore's fat white arse."  
  
"Lily white. Not just white."  
  
Choke. "Head-headmaster!" Muffled protesting.  
  
"Blaise, shut up and let me handle this." Sweetly, "Zabini is. not in a good mood today, Professor Dumbledore. Do excuse him, please."  
  
"Since you're asking so politely, Mr. Malfoy."  
  
"Thank you." Sound of prodding elbow. "Do that some more and you'll be expelled."  
  
"Wah fucking wah."  
  
"Where did you pick up on that phrase? It's annoying."  
  
"Flint. Or Higgs. Or one of the old Slytherin alumni."  
  
"Remind me to kill them."  
  
"You? Against Flint? You must be kidding."  
  
"Flint sucks his thumb. That's why his teeth are like that, don't you know?"  
  
"And here I thought it was just God's way of telling me I am damn fine looking."  
  
Snort. Choke. Laughter.  
  
"Don't you dare say a word, Malfoy. Not one fucking word."  
  
[Defense Against Dark Arts classroom, 1:17 PM]  
  
"I hate this class."  
  
"Oh, Ron. Don't say that."  
  
"I hate this class. I hate this class. I hate this class. I hate this class. So bite me."  
  
"When, where, and how hard, Ron?"  
  
"Seamus. Shut the fuck up."  
  
[Defense Against Dark Arts classroom, 1:21 PM]  
  
"Have I said I hate this class?"  
  
"Yes, Ron, you have."  
  
Silence. "Well, just so you know. I do."  
  
"We know, Ron."  
  
[Defense Against Dark Arts classroom, 1:27 PM]  
  
"Have I said-"  
  
"Shut up, Ron."  
  
"-that I love you Harry?"  
  
"Yes you-" Silence. "WHAT?!"  
  
[Defense Against Dark Arts classroom, 1:35 PM]  
  
"CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"  
  
Cough. "Professor Moody, with all due respect, you are 30 minutes late."  
  
"Ah. Um. That is very true, Ms. Granger."  
  
"Professor-Are those hickeys?"  
  
"Erm."  
  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
Dry retching noises. "I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
"You among the many."  
  
"Who with?! Who with?!"  
  
"Seamus. We. Do. Not. Want. To. Know."  
  
"Ah, that's very true too, Ms. Granger. You probably don't."  
  
More dry retching noises.  
  
[Defense Against Dark Arts classroom, 1:41 PM]  
  
"Today's lesson will be on the Runespoor, a common pet of Dark Arts wizards."  
  
Cough disguising, "Malfoy."  
  
"Ron, I'm warning you."  
  
"If you two don't mind."  
  
Together, "Of course not, Professor."  
  
"The Runespoor is not the most dangerous of all creatures, although it is a three headed snake-"  
  
"NOT DANGEROUS?!"  
  
"Professor, isn't it common knowledge that most creatures with three heads are particularly dangerous?"  
  
"Well, Mr. Potter, you and your sidekicks have a total amount of three heads. Do you consider yourself, as a group, to be dangerous?"  
  
"Are you insinuating that we are beasts?"  
  
"Why, of course not, Ms. Granger. That would be entirely your doing."  
  
"Moving on. The first thing when dealing with anything involving Dark Arts or their associations is CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"  
  
Undertone, "Yes, yes, now just move the fuck on with it."  
  
"Mr. Finnegan, do you have anything you would like to add?"  
  
"Uh. No, Professor, I do not."  
  
"Good. Now, where was I? Oh yes. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"  
  
[Greenhouse #2, 1:38 PM]  
  
"What exactly does this plant do? I mean, besides sit there and dribble spit."  
  
"It's not spit, Draco darling. It's sap."  
  
"Do not call me darling, Pansy. And it's spit. I swear to god. It's spit."  
  
"Oh, hush up, Draco. You were probably like that when you were a baby."  
  
"Yes, but I wasn't on a vine!" Undertone, "Now you I can't say."  
  
"I was NOT born on a vine!"  
  
"Oh? Could have fooled me. Look at the resemblance. Dribbles spit. Stares blankly out into space. Is quite dumb. Has a squished nose. A big mouth."  
  
Smack over the head. "I do not dribble spit, thank you very much. And Crabbe told me I was quite pretty. Just the other day."  
  
Snort. "Crabbe? Vincent Crabbe? And you believed him?"  
  
"He's quite the gentleman. I think I quite like him."  
  
"Oh dear Lord, save me."  
  
"Can you imagine the babies they'd produce?"  
  
"Zabini, I do not need that image in my head. None of them should be allowed to reproduce. Just the idea of it." Shudders.  
  
"I AM QUITE PRETTY!"  
  
"Just keep telling yourself that, Pansy. Just keep telling yourself that."  
  
"Want a knuckle sandwich, Blaise?"  
  
"And you want to be a mother because? You can torture kids better that way?"  
  
"You're so-MEAN!" Sniffling, sounds of crying.  
  
"You made her cry."  
  
"And you're worried because.?"  
  
"I'm not. It's just. You made her cry. She- She NEVER cries."  
  
"Oh, go on. You're going to start crying."  
  
"I AM NOT!"  
  
"Little Drakkie-wakkie wants his blankie-wankie, doesn't he?"  
  
"Zabini. I'm warning you."  
  
"Aw, does Drakki-wakkie want his bottle-poo instead?"  
  
"So I can smack you over the head with it, yes."  
  
"I think somebody needs a nappie!"  
  
"I think somebody needs a good pounding, that's what."  
  
"Touchy, touchy."  
  
"Hey. Want a kiss, Zabini?"  
  
Angrily, "No!"  
  
"Now who needs a nappie?"  
  
A/N: Wah fucking wah belongs to Terence Higgs of LumosNox. The part about Marcus sucking his thumb belongs to Oliver Wood, also of LumosNox. Heads up to all the players there.  
  
There. We're not done, we promise. *evil grins* 


End file.
